Afoot Change Is

Things are changing here at a rapid pace.

1. I have started to eat red meat. I grew up vegetarian and didn't try red meat until a few years ago when I had a bite of someone else's steak. Since then, I've had a bite here, a taste there. Last week, I ordered lamb. Yes, a plate of lamb all to myself. It was phenomenally good! Last night I had meatballs for the first time ever. They were also exceptional. Both times my meal has been accompanied by a drink, so it's hard to tell if the high I feel is associated with the alcohol or the red meat. What I am sure of, however, is that red meat is really, really good. Why did I wait 29 years to eat this stuff???

2. I'm about to turn down an all-expenses paid (plus $600 stipend) trip to Belize. Yes, you did read that right. Perhaps it will help if you understand that I would not be going alone, but would be trip leader for a group of thirteen 8th grade girls. The trip sounds great - lots of hiking, canoeing, spelunking, horseback riding (as opposed to horsestomach riding?), snorkeling and exploring. At the end, we would spend about three days on a caye (small island) at a marine station where I would teach marine biology. It's a dream job for me. But the timing is impossibly bad. See, there's this thing I'm working on at the moment called a thesis (THEE-sus). It takes a lot of time. And there's also a plan involving a marriage and a departure of these united states. If I go to Belize for 11 days, I risk delaying the plan again. A certain man in my life would be very much less than thrilled by any further delays. I think this may be the first time that I have made a decision for a relationship that's at direct odds with what I would do were I single. Welcome to the world of compromise and long-term relationships. Ultimately, the decision comes down to this: 11 days of exhausting but fun activities in Belize and a summer of incredible stress with no time to spare for fun OR passing on the fun in Belize, taking a couple of long weekend backpacking trips, working on my thesis at a less-than-frantic pace, not risking another delay to our departure, and getting to see friends on evenings and weekends. Sigh. See? There's one right answer here.

3. I am done with classes and teaching at middle school. What a fucking relief! I loved my classes and I usually loved teaching, but I'm really ready to have two things on my plate and two things only: thesis (THEE-sus) and wedding (WEH-ding).

4. Kaya is going to spend the weekend with Roberto, her probable future owner. I'm dropping her off at his home in Sausalito this afternoon. I feel strangely nervous - like a mother on the first day of school. I hope she won't get into any fights or throw up on the couch.

5. I am thinking about careers. This was spurred on by the realization that one of us in this couple should give some thought to earning a decent salary at some point in our life. If you know Z at all, you'll realize that that someone needs to be me. I'm once again considering a Ph.D. and future professordom. Perhaps you should start calling me doctor now so that I have time to get used to it. (Does that sound kinky or is it just me???)

6. I think we're all growing up. Last night, I had dinner with A&A who are leaving for at least a year SE Asia next week. Over dinner we chatted about what it's like to grow up. I feel like my parents' generation tended to get married younger and tended to have few jobs (the exception being my dad). Despite our resistence, my generation is getting married and talking about/having children and buying houses. I just don't know what "settling" down will look like for us. It's all so very much up in the air, and will be for quite some time. It's exciting and also a little confusing.

As for right now, I think I'll dream about settling back with a rum-filled glass on a beach in a beautiful tropical location without thirteen 8th grade girls.