That light is not a train

On Friday, I sat in the central quad at San Francisco State University reading scientific papers and wondering if I had really graduated. After getting most of the way through a paper authored by a Kiwi professor with whom I'd like to work, I went and talked to my old advisor. The excuse for the meeting was to discuss the manuscripts that I'm preparing from my theis, though we quickly got off-topic to discuss things like my wedding, travel, and how diving in CA compares to diving in the tropics (CA wins, btw). Our on-topic discussions were interesting, too. We chatted, of course, about my friend the treefish and all the questions that are left unanswered by my thesis. If it's true that good research leads to more questions, my thesis must be downright brilliant!

It was a fantastic day. I realized - remembered - that I love doing science. I love discussing experimental designs; I love learning about the latest research; I even love manipulating and analyzing data. I really enjoy engaging in the particular kind of thinking that doing science requires. (Someone's going to make a nerd joke here and to you I say, Bringit!)

Before Friday, I had decided to get a PhD because I couldn't figure out what else I would do. All the jobs that looked interesting required a PhD, and the jobs I could get with a MSc would be primarily administrative. So the PhD seemed like a no-brainer. But it didn't seem like fun.

Since Friday, I have been excited about the PhD not only because of where it will get me, but also because it will be fascinating in its own right. And let me tell you what a huge relief it is to be excited about the future rather than feeling lost and full of dread.

While Z extracted data from the dead hard drive of his brand new laptop (long and very sucky story with what looks to be a happy ending - fingers crossed), I sat in the sun and read E's New Zealand Lonely Bollocks guidebook. Wellington sounds beautifully arranged on steep hills overlooking a harbor (sound familiar?). There seems to be all sorts of things to do, from music and pubs to art galleries and theatre. I'm really looking forward to it, despite having a dream about a dead body in the bathtub of my rickety NZ house. Who know what that was about!

All in all, it feels like the blinding light that has been shining directly into my face for the last year might not be a train. I can't help but feel like this is a positive development.