A Day in the Life

It's midnight. The light's been out for over an hour when we realize that none of us are able to sleep in the steaminess of our room in Bako National Park. Lev resurrects the ghost of Aruba (oooooooo!) and thwacks me in the face with a pillow. Z mumbles something and pretends that he's actually been able to sleep. I give up and take a sleeping pill. They lie awake until the storm breaks with (purportedly) torrential rain; I hear nothing.

I wake up a little before 8:00 feeling refreshed. Z and Lev are not so thrilled to greet the new day. I help Lev out of bed by putting a large, black, leggy insect on his pillow right next to his face. It does wonders.

We pack up and head to breakfast as the sky above us rumbles and drips. As we eat, a bearded pig does laps around the cafeteria. They are large beasts resembling dwarf bison that have somehow managed to get the contents of a can of salmon catfood stuck to their faces - their noses are pink, drastically bare compared to the hairiness of their faces, and tubular. And almost prehensile. In a word: strange.

It's low tide, so we walk a long way out to our boat, across mudflats crawling with a variety of crabs and some kind of worm in a round shell that flops around looking exactly like a caricature of large sperm. The sky is immense and grey over water that is flat and grey-green. It's hard to tell where sky and water meet. Thunder rolls from the green cloaked mountains across the sea. It begins to rain, big juicy drops that quickly soak us as we motor back to the bus stop.

The bus stop stinks. I can't see what it is that we're sitting next to, but I'm pretty sure it's been there a long time. Back in Kuching we check into the hotel with the fantastic showers and go out to eat. I get "fast food", otherwise known as buffet: a combination of coconut chicken with Indian spices and crisply cooked Chinese-style vegetables. I love Malaysia's international approach to cuisine.

After lunch, we set off in search of souvenirs and a taxi. The clouds have cleared and the temperature has soared. We find the latter, piloted by a man named Chin Chin Min, who has a triangular face and crinkled eyes. He takes us to Semonggok wildlife refuge. As we pass through the gates it begins to pour. And I mean POUR. We sit under an awning and wait for 3:00pm to arrive: Orang Utan feeding time. The world's most boring public speaker gives us a pianissimo introduction to the Park and its inhabitants. He says things like, "It's very dangerous to have [mumble mumble mumble] so be careful of the [mumble mumble mumble] and whatever you do, don't [mumble mumble mumble]." It's a very instructive speech.

After a short walk through dripping jungle, we see an Orang Utan. He is big and, we later learn, named Josh. After gorging on papaya, oranges and bananas, he lazily leaves the platform by deftly climbing a rope and swinging from vine to vine. He seems too big to achieve such quietly graceful movements.

Back at the hotel, we all fall asleep, naps punctuated by three really loud explosions. Perhaps someone is holding a microphone to a backfiring tailpipe? Or are they mining right outside our window? When I get up I check: No, Kuching is not on fire.

We splurge on a great meal and a bottle of wine that is not made from banana or papaya. Lev orders the organic chicken and is served an entire chicken in a delicious tandoori-like sauce. My lemongrass chicken comes with a mound of vegetables including broccoli. How I have missed broccoli! We finish with mud cake the ingredients of which are chocolate, chocolate, chocolate and chocolate. In chocolate sauce.

Suitably junked up on sugar, we head to a bar. It's ladies night: yay, free drinks! But, boo, apparently only if you're Asian. They try to charge me about $4 for half a glass of tonic that was held next to a bottle of gin. I try to send it back; they relent and give it to me for free.

We sit and try to figure out the social dynamics of the bar. We fail. No matter what we do, we are apparently doing it wrong. I dance anyway, and slowly as everyone in the bar gets more drunk, they loosen up. Soon I have not one, not two, but three stumblingly drunk women grinding themselves against me. I extricate myself and we move to another section of the bar where the women are able to stay on their feet without grabbing on to me. The music is a mix of Chinese pop, Bollywood, and 80's & 90's hits. I figure out the dancing rules: Grab and grind. There are no introductions; all those people I thought were couples have probably only just met. It's like 10th grade all over again.

And that is how the day ends: me and Lev sweatily dancing in a packed nightclub on Borneo. I just have to laugh at the absurdity of it all. This is my life.